How Do I Know When It's the Right Time to Sleep Train?
There’s a cliché saying:
“Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy.”
And there are a couple of truths when it comes to teaching your child to sleep through the night:
It’s not going to be easy.
It will be completely worth it.
It’s very rare for a child of a family I work with to go right down on night one and just magically sleep all night from then on. A few have slept through on night two, but for many, it takes three, four, or five nights to see REALLY GOOD progress. And those first couple of nights can try your patience and commitment.
However, I’ve also never worked with a family who wasn’t incredibly thankful for the hard work they put in once their child had learned to sleep through. It’s not only a benefit for the child, who is now going to be healthier, happier, more curious, and more agreeable. There are also HUGE benefits for parents who can now lay their child in their bed awake, walk out, and know they won’t hear a peep until morning – more sleep, better mood, more focus at work, more time to spend with older children or each other, more “me” time to work out/watch a show/do a hobby, etc.
Like many big decisions, though, there are a few questions to ask yourself before diving into this challenging, but very rewarding journey.
1. Can I commit to being home at bedtime for the next couple weeks?
A lot of us are spending the majority of our time at home right now since we live in the COVID era – which might be a silver lining of it all. I usually recommend that at least one parent is home at bedtime for two or three weeks while you’re sleep training. Traveling or sleeping over at grandma's for the weekend can often throw a wrench in any sleep progress.
2. Are both parents committed to making changes?
As I mentioned earlier, the first few nights can be especially hard, and if you’re not on the same page, there may be a point where they manage to convince you to give in and resort to whatever sleep prop you used to use to get your child to sleep. It’s also important to be able to share the responsibility so one parent is not handling this change alone. So before you get started, make sure you're both committed to making this positive change for your whole family.
3. Is my child otherwise healthy and thriving?
The best opportunity to solve your child's sleep issues quickly and effectively is when they're otherwise healthy and thriving. If a baby's dealing with reflux or colic, you'll want to get that under control before sleep training. If your child has a cold or flu bug, it's best to wait until they're feeling better. There's going to be some fussing and crying the first few nights, and we want to make sure it's only due to the changes in their routine and not because of actual discomfort.
4. Is my child’s room ready and ideal for sleeping?
Exceptions are made for very young babies, but the best way to help children learn to sleep independently is to put them in their own room/space. And to help them get the hang of this quickly, the room should be:
As dark as possible (blackout blinds) - 100% darkness helps with daytime naps.
Get rid of mobiles, crib aquariums, and light emitting devices that claim to help children sleep (an ideal nursery/bedroom is flat out boring); your child should recognize this place as their sleep space - so keep toys elsewhere.
5. Am I experiencing symptoms of sleep deprivation (depression, moodiness, forgetfulness, feeling unmotivated, etc.), or am I on the verge of being sleep deprived?
If you're feeling the symptoms of sleep deprivation, it's likely time to consider sleep training. Sleep training can be good for both your physical and mental health, as well as your child's. A child who is well-rested is happier, more curious, and better able to handle conflict.
6. Can I stand a couple more nights without a lot of sleep?
I'm not going to sugar coat it – changing up someone's sleep habits is never an easy thing and is met with a lot of resistance and protest. So no one's likely to get a lot of sleep for the first 48 hours or so. Most parents notice positive changes usually start happening around night 3. So it takes persistence and consistency (and a little more sleep deprivation), but it is a life changer for many families for whom the current sleep situation is not working.
Here are just a few final thoughts on deciding if now is the right time for you to sleep train.
As important as it is to answer yes to most, or all, of the questions posed above, there’s almost never a “perfect” time to sleep train. But getting started and having to stop because of improper planning is going to cause some confusion for your child and make success a bit harder to achieve.
Now that you know all these things, if you feel like you’re ready to get started, don’t wait! Let’s get the conversation started so we can get a plan put together right away. I know it's a big decision (it certainly was for me when I first made it with my oldest child), but the outcome is most definitely worth it - a child (and parents) who sleep all night, FINALLY. I'm ready when you are!
Sleep well and be well!
Nichole