When and How To Transition to a Big Kid Bed
I’m a member of quite a few mom groups on Facebook and see this question pop up quite a bit, so I thought this would be a good opportunity to explain the big kid bed transition – what the right age is, what the signs are that your child is ready, and how to actually do it.
When is the Right Time?
A child between the ages of 2.5 and 3 may be ready to transition out of the crib, but any time before that, it’s likely not a good choice. I even know some parents who have kept their child in the crib until 3 or 4 because there was no reason to move them other than they outgrew the size and weight recommendations.
Most toddlers are not cognitively ready for the freedom that a big bed allows them until they’re close to 3 years old, and you’ll likely experience a child who gets out of that new bed a lot without understanding that they’re expected to stay in it all night and sleep.
Many parents will object – but we’re having another baby soon and need the crib. My advice in this situation is to utilize a bassinet or pack and play for the new baby until your toddler is old enough, or simply buy another crib.
What are the Signs My Child is Ready?
Here are a couple common posts I see on social media about big bed readiness:
My 18-month-old is climbing out of the crib, so what kind of toddler bed or regular size bed do you moms recommend?
My baby has ALWAYS hated his crib, so we’re planning to move him to a big bed. What do you suggest?
The thought is that maybe moving the child will help him feel more grown up and give him a feeling of security and comfort. But trust me, it will not. In all my time as a sleep consultant, and all the other networking I do with other consultants, none of us have ever recommended solving a sleep behavior by moving a child into a new bed.
So how do you prevent climbing?
Climbing can often be quelled by catching a child in the act and giving a firm no – many babies will be so upset about this that they won’t do it again. It could also be that your child is not tired enough to go to sleep at the time they’re placed in the crib – that’s why awake windows are so important. From about 15 months on, your child should be awake between 5 and 6 hours at a time during the day. If they haven’t built up enough sleep pressure before their nap or bedtime, they’re not likely to fall asleep quickly and will explore how to get out of the situation they’re in.
Some babies/toddlers will treat climbing as a game – and some parents can help turn it into one by laughing or taking pictures or videos of a child who is climbing. If you want a way to continue to encourage this behavior, that’s one of them.
What else can you do if a firm no doesn’t seem to work for your child?
You can try using a sleep sack or look into some pajamas made to prevent crib climbing. They have a piece of fabric sewn between the legs to prevent the ability of the child to separate legs far enough to climb out (check out these ones from Little Grounders). Some other suggestions are to turn the crib around – usually the back side of the crib is higher up than the front side and this can prevent climbing. You also want to make sure the mattress is lowered as far down as it can go – some have the ability to go all the way to the ground, again, to make it nearly impossible to climb out.
what about a baby who hates her crib?
If you think your baby has always hated her crib, it’s not likely that she actually hates her crib – it’s that she’s never learned the skills she needs to fall asleep and stay asleep on her own – what I call independent sleep skills. There’s typically no schedule during the day, no consistent bedtime routine, and the child is placed into bed already asleep utilizing some prop to get them to sleep (like rocking, for example).
But the problem is that when your child never learns to fall asleep on her own, she will not learn how to fall back asleep when she naturally wakes from a sleep cycle in the middle of the night – and then she will need you to put her back to sleep. So you end up assuming that she just doesn’t like her crib because this goes on for months, or even a year or two, but the reality is that she just doesn’t have any independent sleep skills.
Signs They’re Ready to Make the Move:
Making the crib to bed transition is MUCH easier when you have a good, skilled sleeper on your hands. So that’s first – if you want to move your child, I’d make sure they have good sleep skills: falls asleep independently, sleeps all night in their own room, etc. If your child is already doing that, you’ve already won half the battle.
Your toddler will inevitably notice that he sleeps in a different bed than his parents and siblings, and may ask about it. If he starts showing some interest, you think he’s mature enough to handle the freedom, and he has the sleep skills to fall and stay asleep on his own, he might be ready.
How Do You Make the Transition?
Step 1: Prepare your toddler. Talk to her about the move and what the expectations will be for sleeping in a “big girl bed,” set a date for it, and remind her when it’s going to happen. But, don’t make a huge production of it.
Step 2: Bring your toddler along to the store if you need to go buy a new bed. Allow your child to give a little input into which bed she likes (maybe it has Minnie or Elsa on it, etc.). Or if you already have a toddler bed, allow her to pick out sheets and pillow cases. This will help her feel a sense of ownership of the new bed since she gets to make some choices, and will really help ease the transition.
Step 3: It’s “opening night.” Don’t alter the bedtime routine at all. Just keep things as normal as possible. Remind her of the rules around the new bed – no getting out, etc.
Pro Tip: Consider getting her an “Ok to Wake” clock that will turn green when she’s allowed to get out of bed in the morning. There are lots of options out there - we use this one for all 3 of our kids. I like it because it’s simple enough for my 3 year old to understand but also has a regular alarm feature for my 8 year old to wake up during the week for school.
Here are 3 different scenarios you can expect:
She adapts immediately and doesn’t test the rules at all – you’re one of the lucky ones!
She seems to adapt immediately, but after a week or two, starts leaving her room, playing with toys/books, calling for you to come back several times a night, etc.
She starts doing all of these things the very first night.
What do you do if your toddler falls into scenarios #2 or 3? Offer one warning for unwanted behavior, and remind her the expectation is that she will lay in her bed quietly until she falls asleep and will stay there until the morning. Tell her what the consequence will be if she does the unwanted behavior again (taking the lovey/blanket/stuffie, shutting the door, etc.). It must be an immediate consequence – not something like no cartoons in the morning.
You know your child best and know what consequence will be motivating for her. Taking of the lovey or closing the door for a short period of time (or both) generally works very well. For each repeat offense, increase the amount of time before she gets the door opened or the lovey back. She needs to know that the rules are the rules, and you are sticking to them.
Want a little extra help making the transition? Send me an email at nichole@nicholesmithsleep.com and we’ll get you squared away to make this a quick and easy transition for you!
Sleep Well and Be Well!
Nichole