Juggling Bedtime Routines with Multiple Children
Whether it’s your first or your fifth, bringing a new baby home is an exciting, yet somewhat terrifying thing.
I remember when we got home with our first, my husband and I looked at each other like, “Ok so what do we do now?” No longer having doctors and nurses checking in on you, helping you care for the baby, etc. is really eye opening – like, are you really entrusting this helpless baby to people who don’t know what they’re doing?
Check out these naive first-time parents, looking like babies ourselves!
Those first few days, weeks, and months can be so confusing getting to know your new baby as first-time parents. Does that cry mean hungry? Diaper change? Tired? Frustration? But over time, you settle into your new normal and get into a good rhythm. That is, until you bring another baby home. You may be wondering how your older child(ren) will react to the new baby, if they’ll be jealous, how their schedule will fit in with your newborn’s naps and feedings, etc. And one of the big ones, especially one I get as a sleep consultant, is about how bedtime is going to be impacted for everyone. How will the new baby fit into your older child(ren)’s bedtime?
Juggling multiple different bedtime routines can be very overwhelming if you’re not prepared for it. How are you going to fit in twenty minutes to feed your newborn while you’re trying to get your toddler out of the bathtub? What will you do when the newborn is crying out for you while you’re in the middle of story time with your five year old?
Here are some tips to help those of you who are juggling, two, three, four or more balls in the air at once, attempting to get into some kind of bedtime groove.
1. Have one bedtime for all the kids in the house
If the idea of simultaneously running two or more bedtime routines gives you heart palpitations, you’re not alone. A lot of parents are surprised when I suggest that their children can all have a similar bedtime. Bedtimes between 7 and 8pm are pretty common through the early years up until about the age of 10 or 12. This is because kids need 10-12 hours of sleep a night. So if you have an elementary-age child who needs to be up at 7am to get ready for school, an 8:00 bedtime works. And if you also have a toddler and/or baby, these times are appropriate for them too! With a little bit of planning and organization, you can turn a potential hour-long or more occasion into just 30 minutes. Keep reading to see what I mean.
2. Team up and switch off with your spouse/partner
The best way to most efficiently run a simultaneous bedtime routine is to split up responsibilities with your spouse or partner. Maybe mom has to do bedtime with the baby for a few months because she is nursing, so spouse or partner puts the toddler and any older children to bed (and mom comes and kisses them goodnight when the baby is in bed). Maybe you’re bottle feeding – if that’s the case, parents can switch each night on who puts the baby to bed and who puts the other kids to bed. That way everyone gets used to both parents putting them to bed – this is especially important when one parent isn’t around for the bedtime routine. If your toddler is used to daddy always putting him to bed, he might throw a tantrum if mommy has to do it for a couple nights if daddy is gone. Or vice versa – if mommy is gone a couple nights, daddy and baby will now have no issues with bedtime.
If you’re single-parenting it at bedtime with multiple kids, that can be rough. This is me a lot of times – my husband is a high school teacher and coaches a sport each season. So many nights, it’s just me with our 3 kids (and soon to be 4). The same bedtime and tips below will be helpful for you if this is the case for you too.
3. Look for opportunities to multitask
As parents, most of us are champs at multitasking – especially mamas. But trying to run through separate bedtime routines is likely to leave you exhausted – so multitask when you can. Let the kids take a bath together. Sing your bedtime song to your toddler while changing baby into his pajamas. Read books together in the same bedroom, allowing each child to choose one. Brush everyone’s teeth at the same time. Wherever you can overlap steps in the bedtime routine, do it!
4. Stick to a 20-30 minute bedtime routine
Bedtime routines are SO IMPORTANT. It’s probably one of the things I repeat over and over again to parents. It’s not only a great way to keep you on a schedule in the evening, but repeating the same routine every night starts to cue your child’s body that sleep is coming. It stimulates melatonin production (that sleepy hormone) to help your child fall asleep and stay asleep all night.
5. Enlist your older child(ren) as a helper
Toddlers love to “help,” while big kids are more capable of helping. So ask for their help. If you have a toddler and baby, have your toddler help you pick out pajamas for the baby, pick out a book, sing a song, etc. If you have an older child, especially one who reads, have her read a book or two to your toddler while you’re feeding the baby. And then thank them for their help – they will feel really important and needed, reinforcing their desire to help again.
6. Avoid using the TV or tablet as your “babysitter” while you’re putting the baby to bed
I know it’s so tempting to turn on a movie or show, or allow your child play on the tablet while you put the baby to bed. And while TVs and tablets are typically really good babysitters, screens are the ultimate con artists at bedtime. The problem is that the whole time they’re holding your child’s attention, they’re flooding your child’s eyes with blue light. It may not see like a bad trade off, but blue light actually inhibits melatonin production (remember, sleepy hormone) and stimulates cortisol production (the stress hormone). So those 20 minutes of freedom to put your baby to bed will make it harder for your child to settle for bed and fall asleep quickly.
7. Accept that it won’t always be perfect
Putting multiple kids to bed can be unpredictable and stressful, especially when you’re just getting to know a new baby and getting into your “new normal.” So embrace the fact that it won’t always go perfectly – some nights may go super smoothly and others a little rocky. Staying calm will only help you in these situations, while allowing your temper to flare will be upsetting for all those involved.
8. Enjoy a couple hours of peace and quiet to do what you want/need to do
The best thing about an early bedtime is free time for you! If you normally go to bed at 10, and your kids are all in bed by 8, that’s two whole hours to do whatever you want. Get in a workout, watch a favorite show or movie, read a book, take a long bath/shower, finish up whatever housework you want to, get back into a hobby you love, spend quality time with your spouse/partner. It’s truly freeing to have that time to choose what you want to do – use it as a form of self-care if that’s your thing.
With a bit of planning and organization, you can turn a potentially long ordeal into just 30 minutes a night, and still have some time for yourself.
Sleep Well and Be Well!
Nichole